Sometimes I realise that even now at the age of 28 I still try to make myself accepted. That I still feel out of place when I meet up with the girls. I fear the rejection and yet don’t know how to get to be accepted. I laugh with them and talk but ultimately I don’t feel one of them.
When I meet with my old schoolmates, I still feel like I am the odd one out. I realise how many things happened that I was never aware of …. was never asked to participate in. It hurts!
This fear has been with me since secondary school and although I tried to change many a time I never managed much. I realise that what I have to do is surrender…..accept that I am me an individual who doesn’t compromise her true self to be liked and if I stop trying, eventually some amazing friends will emerge.
Now all I have to do is actually surrender but the ego is strong and not easily persuaded! In the meantime, I will continue with my refuge- the internet- which seems to provide with a lot of interesting characters and is much easier to befriend…..