Its a hard lesson I learnt today.
This year I chose a word or rather words that marked my path for 2012 and those words were trust and surrender.
Gregory was ready to go to school. He wanted to even today while clutching to me he wanted to stay. But of course it is hard to jump into the unknown. So imagine a 3 yr old having to do this- something WE find extremely difficult to do ourselves.
Today I learnt my lesson the hard way- it was me who had to cut him loose. It was me who had to show him that I trusted him, his teacher, his whole school and that he can be fine without me. I had to show him how to build that inner strength. In actual fact I have already done all this in these 3 years and today, it was time to start the process of letting go.
A mother can make or break her son. If I went for him earlier that the time the actual school ends (like it was suggested), it would have been for me not for him. Because I missed him of course. So I didn’t go. I am here waiting for the time to pass so I go pick him up. If I cried, fussed and so on I would have shown lack of trust.
So today I learnt what real trust and surrender means. I lifted my arms to God in heaven and told him that I trusted He will keep my son safe and happy. I told myself in a mantra that I gave my son the tools to be fine alone at school. And when my husband said that we are sure to get a phone call to pick him up I quickly said that we will not because Greg is happy to go to school. That he has to trust him and be positive!
Its hard, very hard, to know that after 9 months in your womb and 3 years living attached to you, you must begin the process of letting him grow. That unless I pushed him towards this path he will flounder and won’t cross the bridge.
Today was indeed a hard lesson. However, it was a blessing of lesson and I am grateful that we did it and that in 30 minutes we can reconnect and tell each other what happened.
I am now looking forward to this new era – just me and Maya, being more relaxed and having more time to reflect.