It’s his 4th birthday

4 years ago today I gave birth to beautiful baby boy.
This is him today…….I can’t fathom how time flew by.
He wanted a spider as a cake.  He told me this a year ago, just after his third birthday and it didn’t change since.

He has a funny laugh – I always laugh myself when I hear him.  Sometimes I tell him to laugh again just to hear it and laugh again myself.  He is still much self-centered and its rare the occasions he shares his precious toys (or gives back what he took from his sister for that matter).  He is still prone to tantrums when things don’t go his way and yet he has changed so much in subtler ways.

Like when he shouts and jumps to show his anger instead of hitting or biting.  Like sitting quietly throughout the whole Mass celebration.  Like insisting on something and when the time comes does as I asked him to.  Like showing us affection every day and all the time he is with us.  
Gregory is quite me in every single cell of his being and while he never quite imitated what I or others did like Maya does at the moment, he has absorbed it all and is showing it now and so I am please to see that the changes I have been trying to effect on myself are also rubbing on to him.
Many a time he tells me he doesn’t want to grow or to study.  He just wants to be home with me and remain a baby and in these moments I see his uncertainty on life.  His eagerness yet fear of what it all means.
There are many days still where I am drained trying to teach him and than there are days like yesterday, where we smiled and had great fun.
You were my first and as my first you are my sunshine, my soul and fiber   You showed me what motherhood meant.  You showed me quite clearly and made me feel ashamed of my faults as a mother and because of you I chose the extremely difficult road to change.  And changing I am thanks to you and now also to your lovely sister and I can’t thank you enough for all that you are teaching me day in and day out.
Love you lots!

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