The Doctor forgot he has a client and human being by his side

The anger and upset still bubbles under the surface.

I try to formulate a complaint but the words that come to mind would only rate me as an insane woman probably.

The tension I am feeling is of big consequence for my own well-being and my child’s.

I was expecting more or less what happened.  I was not expecting how it was happening.  It was more then unethical to me.

My only regret?  I did not get up from that couch, opened the door and made a scene for all the people waiting in ante-natal to hear and see.

I am still thinking in anger while hearing that I should let go of fear.  A fear that since the birth of Maya it seems to have intensified and the reality of it become even more so.

I decide to wait, wait till the embers cool down, but by no means this is going to be let go.

I was treated as a transaction, like I was not there, as if I did not matter, as if my thoughts did not matter, as if they did not need MY CONSENT for anything, as if I NEEDED to be managed.  He was just closing another chapter with another pregnant woman.  I wonder how many have gone this path with him, how many more will.

I will not rest.  While I was well aware of all this, I experienced it so dimly with my previous births that my commitment probably wasn’t complete.  With this, I am irrevocably committed and the war has been waged.

I still shake with tears, I still need to come to terms with it.

I’ve been told many times that doctors have studied for this and I need to trust them, but the more time pass the less I trust them and unless they start proving otherwise I will not be trusting one very soon.

So utterly disappointed.

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