At 16 I wanted to work in tourism as guide to be exact. The course was not available so I took second best according to me- travel agency. I loved travelling- still do- so I felt this to be perfect. I believed this work will be forever. Between 16 and 25 years of age, I was making sure my dreams became reality.
In fact by the time I had my first child at 28, I had travelled to the exotic places I had dreamed of, got married and my unfulfilled dream so far was the house. It was not home and it was not my dream house.
Yet I still felt a void inside me, I didn’t enjoy my holidays or my marriage day. It felt too ordinary some how.
But then I had my first. Up to the first half of my pregnancy I knew I’d continue working and leave my child with a babysitter as soon as maternity is over. I bought a pushchair and a crib – proud of having them in the house and looking forward to using them. I never gave a second glance to bottle feeding or parenting. The norm was my ideal.
And yet something never felt right so I searched and searched and by the time I was due I had already started the changes: I wanted to breastfeed as I was meant to do, wear my baby, practice natural parenting/positive discipline and birth at home. The more I read te more my heart sang true to these ideals. And once my little one was born I knew my job had to be in the birth/parenting sector and I quit my job.
Today I am 34, I have 3 children, I want to home school because that feels right for my family at the moment. I am working in the birth/parenting sector and loving it. I still have a dream home in my mind but ours is home. Travelling is not important any more except for my journeys into motherhood. The friends I always felt elusive are finally real friends who understand me and help me through without judgement. I do not really entertain except my kids. I am quite changed.
Looking back, there are a lot of things which never crossed my mind before- LOTS!
But I wouldn’t have it any other way. My heart sings with joy when my kids are home. Just a while ago my little ones were going to visit grandma, I looked at the mess surrounding me and felt at peace. I have a family. I am in love.
I continue ‘changing’ – because I realise this is what I always was. Yet society had tried to suppress me and I am finally finding myself again. So many things are falling into place and becoming an aha! moment.
This is my life and I wouldn’t have it any other way!