There is no first day of school photo

….because such photos are taken to happy willing children; not heavy hearted ones.

I said its time to get dressed and our eyes locked.  The despair mirrored in our eyes and he half heartedly pleaded to not send him to school.  It will be ok I said, think of what you like at school but even to myself, my voice wasn’t convincing.

We left home, he with drooping shoulders, resigned look to the eyes; me with a heavy heart, despairing that I can’t change this outcome.

I’ve been told they want to help us, using the school resources; those are normally counsellors.  While I value their job- I am one after all- what they can do is listen and empathise.  They will surely not get the teachers to change their attitude with the students, tell them not to hurry them, give them notices of changes etc.

If you want to help I say grant us permission to home school, but they can’t, they won’t – not until the law is ready and out – at least another year (because how can I believe them that it will for sure be out before next Sept?).  They say they can not but I know they can, they simply do not want to.  They do not feel its an emergency.  All they want is to help my son conform better to the school system – a system of robots.

I want more for my kids than being robots and my son is a rebel like me…the only difference I could up to a point conform and let it all slide behind me; he is not able to do that!

So today we will not take photos because we want to be together and learn together and grow together.  We do not feel a sigh of relief when school is starting, we cry.  I do not feel liberated and happy that I will have peace, quiet and time at home; I feel lost and alone.

I am against all currents in this decision as even family members and friends think I exagerate and that children should go to school BUT I will let it slide like I did with other things.  I know what is best for my family and formal schooling is not one of them.

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