Thinking of the journey

I have been reviewing my positive discipline course for a mother.  I was also thinking of my daughter’s teacher who is resorting to discipline methods which go way far from my beliefs and seeing the effects on my daughter herself.

It got me to thinking and realising how easier it has become to discipline my children.  How very little discipline is actually needed nowadays.

Yes we still have a lot of ups and downs and yes I still shout most days; BUT despite all this, life has become easier once they learnt what is expected, what I would tolerate and what not.  Once I decided to truly let them guide me and not fret on certain things.  Once I learnt their cues and so learnt what most ‘misbehaviours’ mean and how I can trouble shoot it.

This past year especially, after FINALLY finding  ‘my tribe’, where I truly feel to belong, I learnt so much more on my kids and what ticks them.  I am trusting the journey much more, trusting my children much more.  It is ever so difficult only because most of the time we are going against the norm and that is not ok with many people we encounter.  it is hard trying to show people my reasoning and how it is helping us in the long run.  However, I can’t really change me or my kids or try to make allowances to any one.  So, who ever can’t live with my philosophy I am just letting them go.  I am still their friends but I do not try and reason much with them.  I try let things slide most of the time…because its consuming energy for nothing!

If I can tell you though one thing which I really learnt is: I finally am learning what it means to let go and live the life you think is meant for you…..and we are all a much happier family.

let Summer begin

We are counting the days till Summer holidays here.

We are learning new ways how to interact and love and learn so the excitment of 3 full months practice together is impossible to contain.

My weaving is finally forming a pattern; and everytime a little bit is added, it looks amazing.

Then I get my moments of impatience and I practically rip it all up.  But the pattern is growing slowly and I can’t wait to see its full glory in a few years’ time.

Each learning curve, each moment I am using new tools to get me to my destination.  I will never see a clear path, because life is full of wonderful surprises leading us to expand even more.

I am afraid, ecstatic, at peace, unsure……but I am loving the process with its infuriating slowness.

This is how it is meant to be and my little Benajmin is there to remind me to take it slow because in its slowness, things are changing quickly.  In this continuum change I am savouring the moments that slip by a blink of an eye.

This Summer is going to be a wonderful experience of changed love, of joy, of friendships and family.

These 12 days is what remains between now and then.

Some cake will do just fine

I feel like cake.  Nice chocolate cake.

Right now, my body is tired.  Every part of me is screaming for some time alone to meditate, to nurture, to love myself.

I still got 2 weeks before both kids are in school, so that is not quite an option.  And damn am I finding it difficult to be present to my kids.  My kids who right now really really need me as school approaches and the anxiety is settling in.

I am irritable, short tempered and scary to myself so even more so to my little babes.

Today Greg’s anger reached the point of no return and I let him scream and rage and cry.  He needed it.  And when that happened I found myself again.  The mother I am meant to be: calm and loving and understanding.

Tomorrow is a new day and my body will still be tired and pining away for my me time.  I am dreaming of retreating with yoga, chants, healthy food, massage and possibly even a good laugh with friends.  But tomorrow I will do my utmost to push it all on the back burner for a while longer.  Because I want my kids to go to school relaxed and happy and care free.

So tomorrow I will wake up and think of love filling every crevice of this house till it shines and outshines the rest of our village.  It will overflow and we will be happy and my kids will once more know they can start relax again, their mummy is back.