With M being now 6 years old, I am being faced with situations that sadden me deeply.

She should put on slacks underneath her dresses/skirts.  She should not be sitting open legged.

Sexism is rife!

I look at all this with anger and sadness and think that the men surrounding my daughter should be the one to start the changes.  That the women surrounding my daughter should be uplifting her.

I will not let my daughter grow up believing she is the one who causes sexual arousal.  I will not let my daughter grow needing to be careful how to dress.  I will not let my daughter grow thinking she needs to be sexy rather than smart to be liked.  I will upon my best possible ways not let my daughter be the victim of sexism.  I will teach her how to go beyond that and defend her rights.  Most importantly I will teach her brothers all this to.

A man looking at women, discussing her breasts and her ass and all her other assets or lack thereof as they deem fit is not acceptable.  A man making jokes about women is not fun, its diminishing our status.  A man who thinks my child or myself cause their sexual arousal is unfit to be a man.

A woman who does not stop men when discussing women and educating them on the why is not doing her duty. A woman who laughs with men at such jokes is not rising to the occasion.  A woman who finds fault in everything other women do is unfit to be a woman.

I never before thought much of these things.  I’d read articles or comments and wonder but never did I feel a direct relation to them.  In recent years my soul stirred me into many new thinking, into many new questioning.  Sometimes these hurt and it brought up past experiences.  Sometimes these stretched me beyond my imagination.  Sometimes I resisted these for as long as possible, but growth was inevitable.

My children, my greatest teachers, do not let me sit idle.  My complacent self of live and let live, of ignoring what I do not like in general, the not looking deeply at things was shook and rattled.

I still do not know how to present these things to my closest and dearest family members and friends. I am still struggling with me accepting this new reality I am facing and that I need to bring to light in a proper manner to my children.

And yet….it needs to be said……equality is not what people in general envisage.  Equality is in the way we view and respect each other and that is not yet available but it is definitely possible.  We need to look at our children and do what is right for them by being the right example to them.

That my 6 year old is already seen as sexual is disgusting, horrifying and distressing all at the same time.


Open your eyes

I had a meeting with the school counsellors last week about Gregory.  They want us to go do sensory tests to get them diagnosed.

We do not think it is necessary.  Yet I felt compelled to watch my older kids closely these two weeks.

On the plus side, which further reinforces the no need for tests etc, is the fact that our son is interacting much easier with people, even those he does not know or not know well.  In fact, for those of you who know him, will agree that he tends to be possessive of toys etc.  Well, I am seeing how that is changing a lot; and how this normally also happens on how he views a person.  So if he feels that person will not take good care of his toys he is unlikely to let them play; but if he feels comfortable enough that they will not break them, he is fine to let them go ahead and play- which I think it is fair enough, although he needs to learn to not have toys around children he does not feel comfortable sharing them with.

A couple weeks ago, despite in a clumsy and not usual way, he tried to befriend a girl at the swings.  He still needs to learn the skills of befriending but that is such a big step forward.  So, all in all, I only see progress and it continues to show how his sensory issues (which probably we all have up to a degree) are not hindering his growth or school interaction as they believe!

They had also asked me how Maya views school.  She always tells us how she loves school.  In truth she does: does enjoy spending time with friends, learning and her teachers.

Yet there is that something which does not allow her to be herself!  She increasingly have been telling me on different occasions how she can’t be sad at school, or sick, or cough due to allergy and I literary see her put up a smile just before meeting up her friends.  Which is very sad. I would love to know why she can’t be herself!  It struck me hard when two weeks ago the story telling session got cancelled. I told her that and immediately she pasted a smile on her face.  It reminded me, that I do the same in face of unpleasant things!

So let me reiterate, school for my kids is reaching the goal of teaching them the academics BUT it is not reaching their soul and love for life and diversity and THAT is why we want to homeschool.  So our children can grow lovingly and harmoniously from the inside to the outside without compromising anything.

It’s been 7 years

…that I became a mother for the first time.  Seven years that changed me so utterly and deeply that I am forever indebted with my first born.

Seven years of struggles as I try to push past default settings in my brain to become a more peaceful mama.

Seven years of bliss seeing the young man I have helped grow.

The seven year transition is upon us and I feel so unprepared, so sad that it is here, and so excited to know we reached this new milestone which will change our dynamics once again.

Gregory, reminds me so much of me in different ways.  The uniqueness in his thinking, his intellect, his love, his joy, his beauty.  I ache for him because his path is not as easy….yet I know he is ready for it and I just need to follow him. Follow him wherever he may go. Follow him without quenching his thrist, his love and joy and sufferings.  Simply holding him, nurturing him and loving him.

On this day, may you be showered with blessings and more love than you can handle.