Sexism

With M being now 6 years old, I am being faced with situations that sadden me deeply.

She should put on slacks underneath her dresses/skirts.  She should not be sitting open legged.

Sexism is rife!

I look at all this with anger and sadness and think that the men surrounding my daughter should be the one to start the changes.  That the women surrounding my daughter should be uplifting her.

I will not let my daughter grow up believing she is the one who causes sexual arousal.  I will not let my daughter grow needing to be careful how to dress.  I will not let my daughter grow thinking she needs to be sexy rather than smart to be liked.  I will upon my best possible ways not let my daughter be the victim of sexism.  I will teach her how to go beyond that and defend her rights.  Most importantly I will teach her brothers all this to.

A man looking at women, discussing her breasts and her ass and all her other assets or lack thereof as they deem fit is not acceptable.  A man making jokes about women is not fun, its diminishing our status.  A man who thinks my child or myself cause their sexual arousal is unfit to be a man.

A woman who does not stop men when discussing women and educating them on the why is not doing her duty. A woman who laughs with men at such jokes is not rising to the occasion.  A woman who finds fault in everything other women do is unfit to be a woman.

I never before thought much of these things.  I’d read articles or comments and wonder but never did I feel a direct relation to them.  In recent years my soul stirred me into many new thinking, into many new questioning.  Sometimes these hurt and it brought up past experiences.  Sometimes these stretched me beyond my imagination.  Sometimes I resisted these for as long as possible, but growth was inevitable.

My children, my greatest teachers, do not let me sit idle.  My complacent self of live and let live, of ignoring what I do not like in general, the not looking deeply at things was shook and rattled.

I still do not know how to present these things to my closest and dearest family members and friends. I am still struggling with me accepting this new reality I am facing and that I need to bring to light in a proper manner to my children.

And yet….it needs to be said……equality is not what people in general envisage.  Equality is in the way we view and respect each other and that is not yet available but it is definitely possible.  We need to look at our children and do what is right for them by being the right example to them.

That my 6 year old is already seen as sexual is disgusting, horrifying and distressing all at the same time.

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Letting go of what is not serving me

Every religion, that I know of at least, say more or less not to be attached to possessions but more to spirituality.  I never quite grasped well how that was meant to be.

Lately though, I am understanding what it truly means to live a simple life with less possessions.  I have de- cluttered over the years a lot of things.  Some things though always stayed….like all the letters from my penfriend of the last 19 years! All my journals!  Books that I did love and enjoyed more than once but are now gathering dust and much more.

Keeping possessions that no longer serve us just create clutter.  They create dust in our lives.  Unneeded attachments which unknowingly might prove a problem to move forward spiritually.

I realised recently I needed to let go of more stuff.  I have been having a hard time coming to terms with these long romantic, nostalgic possessions…..going through them and giving them a last good bye.  Indeed though, it is liberating when I acknowledge that certain things are not serving me any more and need to move to a new house.  Looking at my possessions with new eyes and seeing what truly makes me happy, what makes our home feel homely, what is serving us to be a better family.

It’s a process that takes time, but times is ripe right now to embrace and move a bit more forward in my journey.

How my reasons to home school evolved

It all started on a whim….you know, I read about homeschooling and I liked the idea of having the children (than only 1) at home with me and teaching them myself.  So much so that I started doing so practically straight away when G was only 1.5 years old.

Until not so long ago, my idea of homeschooling was to recreate school at home.  While time and again during my times of doing this, I saw that this does not work (at least for my family), I still tried to opt to do so.

In between, we started kindergarten for my oldest and then for my second child.  So now I was only homeschooling part time – generally during Summer holidays and trying to recreate a sense of identity through seasonal celebrations.  I had also read quite a bit on Waldorf education which I instantly loved but at the same time, kept back from it.

My oldest was not happy at school and his anxiety levels (although I hadn’t realised that was it at first) were skyrocketing badly.  So now the idea of homeschooling full time had a different dimension.  It was not any more a whim… something I wish to try, but more focused on a reason.  Despite M seemed to quickly adjust and enjoy school, I eventually could see milder versions of high stress levels in different contests than the ones of G.  Whereas he would have tons of meltdowns, high levels of anger and complete behavioural and eating pattern habits changed, plus unexplained 24 hour sicknesses; M would pest her brother, an un-explainable never ending dry cough (like an allergy cough) and tons of whining- her food patterns changed to wanting just sweets if at all possible!  So I still wished to keep her home to.

Than about 2 years ago, I met a woman who was trying to legalise homeschooling here. I joined forces and through her met other parents who felt the same need and urge.  It is now on the verge of being legalised and the reason I want to homeschool is changing again.

We have now changed the children’s school. G adjusted pretty quickly, M not so much but her being in first grade made the transition harder.  Now my son is going to school most of the time willingly and relaxed.  We have not witnessed behavioural changes this year and his eating actually improved.  He feels enough comfortable at school to express his feelings there despite getting punished for doing so! My daughter on the other hand, tells me daily she has a headache and asks more often not to go to school than she used to (although again generally speaking she goes happily, comes out with a smile and interacts with the children), she is more choosy on friendships and taking more a stand for her wants and needs.  For many, that would mean the change has been perfect and can carry on in traditional school.

Yet, I wish to homeschool even more my children….when they come and tell me about their day, what happened and how their class mates and/or teachers reacted it gives me a pause.  The children are not left to grow, experience their mistakes, resolve problems between them, giving them empowerment and well most of the life skills needed to live in this world.  It makes me more determined to teach them at home.

The system wants them to comply easily and quickly to the teacher.  The teacher still uses the carrot stick motion of giving stickers, stars, toys etc for good behaviour and punishments when not.  They do not ask for explainations most of the time or try to understand the need behind the behaviour.  They take sides in an argument on assumption only.  So much so,children are encouraged to tell about their mates, rather than try solve problems between them, where then the teacher takes sides with whom seems the weakest or has the best argument rather than on facts of what she has seen for example.  It carries on really if I wish to, but…..

Homeschooling is obviously not the answer to all problems or to all people, but I have known in my heart that this is the way we should be going when the time comes. I still feel it so and I would like to test it and see how it bears its fruit for a year or two before reviewing our decision.

All I know it will change our family dynamics into a better loving, flowing home and just for that I can’t wait for it to get going.